Now for a glimpse..
CHAPTER 1 – Redacted Title
Our book starts where most movies end, the happily ever after. Before we get to the D-word (divorce), we will follow the traditional script. Divorce starts with a love story, so we’re going back to beginning before we see the end. Are you coming? We’re entering our Hollywood love story in three, two, one … ACTION!
ENTER: (Generic) Prince Charming and his Princess
**Unfortunately, Duchess Meghan Markle and Prince Harry were unavailable, so we’ll have to settle with my love journey instead.
redacted content
First, congratulations, you found love (insert: clapping hand emoji). I’m a hopeless romantic, so I wasn’t walking down the aisle without being head over heels in love. That love makes you feel like you’re on a permanent vacation, a little beach built just for two. Remember this visualization; we’ll come back to it shortly. You’re now one of those couples. The couple at the coffee shop stealing kisses between sips of matcha lattes. I’m from LA; what do you expect? At least I didn’t say soy matcha latte or Erewhon. The couple holding hands while strolling on the streets years into dating. The couple finishing each other’s sentences and skipping nights out to spend evenings in binge-watching Mad Men.
Love is SO rare. When you find it, you discover why Hollywood and, ultimately, we are so obsessed with finding it, watching it, and consuming it. Don’t eat people in love, but feel free to watch all the romantic comedies. You get the point. You found the one thing we’re all looking for. If you’re reading this book, I assume you’ve experienced the intangible, tangible feeling of love.
Maybe your love story started with an infamous meet-cute; mine did, and I loved telling that story. We’d say it to anyone we’d meet. It was my favorite story to play on repeat. I also had a movie-worthy proposal. The one where my partner schemed with my mom and friends. The proposal where he threw me off his scent and surprised me with a dream ring and an even grander show-stopping performance. I’m talking rose petals, a photographer, candles, and 5-star accommodations. It was my most liked photo on Instagram…before I had to archive it.
Then we were rocked by a once-in-a-lifetime pandemic. We didn’t let that stop us from living happily ever after. We had a non-conventional picture perfect pandemic Halloween-inspired wedding. I got SO many DMs about the fantastic decor…thank you, Pinterest. Did I mention my mom surprised us with a Sanderson sister performance? On theme yet so unique. Thank you, _____ (my mom). I was living the real-life fairytale, and so was my Instagram!
So what the f*ck happened? This book isn’t about my happily ever after but my divorce. Man, wasn’t that a nice little detour?
redacted content
So, let’s jump out of my love story so you can ruminate on yours. Let’s go back to our lover’s beach. The beach built just for two (insert: yourself and your love story here). One day, or over time, your imaginary beach encounters some rain. It’s just a few drops, you both laugh. You’ve got each other and an endless supply of piña coladas, you’re sailing smoothly.
But suddenly, a storm starts to brew. The crystal clear water is now murky. The island bartender leads a prohibition-style revolt, banning piña coladas on resort grounds. You’re on vacation…sober! Those few raindrops have now evolved into a torrential downpour. Even TikTok is reporting an impending hurricane. Your tropical island is getting evacuated. You’re at the airport, bags in hand. A receptionist at Fiji Airways proclaims you must fly separately or drown to death. You love your partner, but needlessly drowning to death sounds a little too 16th-century. Romeo and Juliet died, so it didn’t work out well for either of them. You figure it’s just a few hours, and you will reunite, so flying solo it is.
TikTok is now publicizing cataclysmic doom. You’re in a category 68 hurricane (which doesn’t exist…but you consider it factually accurate). You apprehensively board the plane. You have a foreboding feeling but are relieved to get off an island seemingly decimated by an unrelenting storm. Now, you’re on two separate jets. You’re elated because you’re safe. But, just as the plane ascends, the storm begins to clear. You realize F$@& , we are not on the same aircraft, and TikTok is not a trusted news site. The clouds are dissipating, and the island looks serene…so did you make a significant life mistake?
You’re hyperventilating because you haven’t been on a plane alone in years. You reach for your partner’s hand, but now a stranger is beside you. That stranger doesn’t know you need a hand squeeze to relax on planes. Why did you take two jets when some rando from another resort sits beside you, noshing on pretzels? Naturally, you hate your cabin neighbor. It’s not personal, but they took your husband’s spot. You’d give anything to fly back to your deserted resort, but you’re 1000 miles away.
Welcome to Divorce.
Redacted Content Ctd… (you get the point)